my story and how i became an artist.
It all began a long time ago…
My story begins and ends in the same place. Just like the a circular movement of nature. I’ve always been a creative person and an empath. But I absorbed. So many fears and concerns from my close environment.
I absorbed many concerns about how i would Not be able to integrate socially and professionally in the “game of life”.
so i went on and studied graphic design, visual communication. and what I learned in the academic was, what is right and what is wrong and what is criticism. even though i tried for a few years i still could not fit a round object such as my self into a square hole. After i graduated i tried to fit into the world of design and to become a graphic designer. i wanted so much to fit into society. I tried working in all kinds of advertising agencies, all the time I felt it was sucking the life-force out of me. I felt I was selling my soul.
I worked so hard for long hours and gave it my all. But still kept being fired and kicked out.
I was not excepted.
i still tried until my heart was broken and I left the field and didn’t interact or created anything. my creativity was shut down.I did not see what the point of all of this any more! i felt like i have failed. i was in pain and lost my way. words could not enplane the pain i felt within my self.
so i moved on and became engaged in the holistic teachings at first as a way to heal my self and later on as a way to touch and help n the healing process of other souls. I treated people through touch and breath and energy healing. i compactly let my past go.
until one day i could not do healing by touch any more. my hand were aching and i felt pain. I felt i don’t want to be a healer any more. I felt i wanted to heal but whit touching or speaking.
I wanted people to have an awakening themselves, but without me doing the inner work for them or touching them. I just wanted to be a part and to allow and enable there process to happen, whit but no words and whit out me as a therapist intervening in the way. but i could not see how i could i had no way or knowledge and didn’t want any knowledge. i didn’t want to read, learn or go to a teacher or to another guru or holistic therapist.
so i let that go to..
But suddenly, just like a dream. it came back to me. my inspiration came back. Suddenly I remembered and it all came back to me. all i wanted to do was to draw and create just like i did before i started to learn anything.
I wanted to be open and understand the world from a fresh perspective just like a small child learning about its surrounding, learning a new language. I bought colors and canvases and when I opened them up the smell of new paint and the sight of the bright colors took me back home, back to my heart.
From there I started creating and connecting to parts of myself I hadn’t ever let myself come in contact whit in a conscious level. I created like I was wild an free for the first time in my life. It was the creation and expression of emotions and attachments that helped me to and breaking down all the influences of the culture that I i endured and hurt me so much. I found my medicine through intuitive painting, and this is why I wish to pass this on to others.
Today I find great joy, expansion, inspiration, chalenges that make me a better persen and allot of freedem from creating together whit people.
I believe that sometimes a painting is not just painting, It’s so much more than that.
I keep learning from every encounter.